How to Manage Separation Smoothly When You Have Kids
Divorce can be a messy and painful process. When children are involved, the stress is often much worse. In this situation, it’s worth putting the needs of the kids ahead of everything else. This means, for the most part, sitting down with your former partner and getting the priorities sorted.
Let’s take a look at how you can make the process as smooth and painless as possible.
Open and Honest Communication
If you leave questions unanswered, then children will inevitably begin to theorise on their own. They might get the idea that they are somehow to blame for the separation, or that their parents don’t love them anymore. By offering frequent reassurance, you can prevent this from happening.
It’s also vital that you remain on cordial, professional terms with your ex-partner. Don’t criticise them in front of the children, as this might be interpreted as a personal attack. Think of them as a collaborator on a shared project. Make sure that you answer emails and text messages, and don’t break your promises. Where you get things wrong, apologise – even if that means swallowing your pride.
Prioritising Children’s Emotional Well-being
Your children’s emotional well-being should be your utmost priority. You’ll need to be emotionally available. Make the time to talk to your kids, and to spend time with them. Make the effort to be present – not just physically, but mentally, too.
Creating a Consistent Parenting Plan
Since you’re not going to be in the same house, and you’re not going to be talking regularly, you might find it more difficult to agree with your partner on a path forward for your children. If you both take your own approach to parenting, you might find that you’re unknowingly undermining one another.
A parenting plan is a document that gets around this. It will cover everything from screen time to diet to living arrangements and healthcare. You can collaborate as parents on this document, but you can also involve grandparents and other family members.
Seeking Professional Support
In almost every case, you’ll need to involve professionals to make your separation legally binding. This might mean lawyers and mediators. But you might also benefit from professional psychological help.
Generally speaking, the process will be much less painful if it’s conducted in a speedy manner. Don’t drag your heels, and stretch out the period of uncertainty. This risks giving your partner’s imagination a reason to wander. The same applies to your children. Investing in assistance can expedite matters, and make everything run smoother. At the end of the process, you’ll also stand a much better chance of having a healthy relationship with your former partner and your children.
