How to Mend a Broken Relationship When You’re in the Wrong
The truth is, you won’t always like your partner. You won’t always be blissfully in love and attracted to each other. There will be times when you or they will mess up or even do something to break your or their trust.
Where conflict is inevitable, one must learn to ask for forgiveness. If it were your fault, you must be ready to sacrifice and learn to compromise to save your relationship. But before you can go out of your way to save a broken relationship, you must first look at the signs and see if yours is worth saving.
10 Signs Your Relationship is Worth Saving
- Both of you are committed to growth, individually and together.
- Each has genuine respect for what they think and feel.
- Your values align.
- You share a vision for your lives.
- Both are willing to forgive one another.
- You feel sick at the thought of them leaving.
- You are sad at the idea of your partner moving on.
- Fights don’t escalate.
- You make each other smile.
- Your partner is one of your favourite people.
If you check in most or all of these, then there is a fighting chance that your relationship will survive the turmoil. But to mend your relationship and help you get past a rough patch, follow these tips, especially if you are the one that ruined it.
Look at things objectively.
Be honest when evaluating your part in your relationship. Which actions and behaviours led to the sinking of your relationship? Only when you have identified the problem areas can you begin to repair them.
Be responsible for your actions.
Explain yourself but don’t make excuses. Spell out your actions and accept all the blame without shifting it to anyone else. It shows that you understand you hurt them, making your apology well received.
Prioritise talking in person.
Texting and digital communication can be powerful tools to help you revive your relationship. But whenever possible, prioritise personal over digital. Meeting face-to-face gives a different feeling and allows you to talk things out without hindrance.
Let them know you still care.
Show your partner genuine care about them and your relationship. Skip over-the-top declarations of love that don’t mean anything. Instead, tell your partner you still care and are there without conditions. Find out what she needs and be there to help and assist her, including emotionally. Make it up to them by making them realise how much they mean to you.
Validate their feelings.
Understand why they feel that way and let them know. It shows that you know you messed up and don’t want to cause the same pain again.
Think of a gesture that makes up for what you did.
There are many ways to show that you are sorry. Sending a beautiful bunch of fresh flowers on their doorstep or writing a heartfelt letter are simple ways to show how genuine you are with your apology. You can even prepare a dinner complete with a tablecloth, warm candles and a homecooked meal.
Stop being needy and desperate.
Avoid being needy and desperate when making a gesture and letting them know you still care. Whatever you decide to do, your gesture should show you care about them while not expecting anything back. Focus on speaking your mind and heart rather than making them feel obligated to be with you.
Understand they need time.
Broken relationships take time to fix and can have ups and downs before they come back to life. So even if you love each other and have admitted to the idea of getting back together, it doesn’t mean it will happen now or next week. Remember, emotions are complicated, and sometimes, space is all it needs. Give them time to heal. In the meantime, find other things to occupy your time.
Never force it.
Forcing them to forgive you will only backfire. The best way to fix your relationship is to rebuild the burned bridges slowly. Don’t try to reinvent yourself by claiming you are a perfect person but show that you have turned over a new leaf.
Accept their decision, whatever it may be.
They might forgive you, or they might not. So you must respect their decision even if you don’t like it. They might need more time for healing or take a break from you. It depends on what happened and your relationship together.
These are the classic steps on how to mend a broken relationship. But, of course, these don’t guarantee that things will be fixed and you will get back together. And if you get back together, here are the three things you should do to improve your relationship.
- Stop the same mistakes from happening.
Think about the mistake you made and what led up to it. Then, take steps to prevent it from happening again.
- Learn from the mistakes made.
Turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. Now that you know what led to the mishap, use it to improve and educate yourself about your relationship.
- Go to couple’s counselling.
A couple’s counsellor can help you repair your relationship and work through your issues. With a counsellor, you can talk about your relationship with an unbiased third party who will teach you coping skills to prevent it from happening again.
Even romantic relationships go sour. Even if that is true, you shouldn’t just give up and repair the damage that has been done. Instead, you should still do your best to mend your relationship and make peace with your partner. These tips are just a guide and not a guarantee to fixing all your issues. If you want them back, you must work for it.
